How to increase your chances of a reply on dating apps

As most of the world starts to come out of being in enforced lockdown (like naughty school kids), online dating, as it was before god attacked us with a global pandemic of biblical proportions is still king. But are you yielding the results that you actually want? 

Truth is I’m not a fan of online dating, the immense nature of my personality can never be accurately transmitted in a few pictures and a short bio. But I have used online dating and dating apps for the best part of 14 years, so I know how to get results from the platforms.

I will go as far as to say that meeting people in person is a far superior way to meet women. When you meet a woman in person you get a feel for who she is, what she honestly looks like and the sound of her laugh. 

Plus you don't have to spend hour swiping and being far pickier than you would be in person due to the illusion that you there are lots of women on online dating. On this point, we talked to Gillian from Bare Dating and she made it clear that men outnumber women on dating apps, 2/3 men and 1/3 women. 

But enough of me saying how shit dating apps are because the truth is I have met some incredible women on dating apps as well. But to meet them you have to do several things very well and the chances that you aren’t doing them well at all at the moment is very high or you wouldn't be reading this.

Everything I am about to tell you we cover in great details in our Authentic Dating Success 3-month programme, but we do more than cover it, we have whole coaching sessions where we take your photos (I and Ahmad are both photographers), help you understand the details of having a great conversation and help you write your profile.

Taking photos from bad angles

You might think that that photo that your mate Mick took of you is good you're smiling and you're in the pub. But you are wrong! 

I see soo many men's dating profile pictures where the angle the photo has been taken from makes them look creepy or weird, normally this happens when your head is tilted down, you are looking out the top of your eyes and this makes you look like a creepy serial killer. This is not the look you want to be going for.

As I said above, women have a lot of choices on dating apps and are far pickier than you. And how do I know this? because I sit with my female friends while they swipe on tinder. 

Not paying attention to the background of your photos and forgetting that the background tells a story about you

If your dating profile picture has been taken on your phone it's hard to make sure that the background is clean or blurred out. Check your pictures now. Make sure you are sharp and the background looks great. You get bonus points if your background tells a story without distracting the viewers from looking at you.

Profile lacks anything unique about who you are and your personality

Did you realise that whenever a woman reads a profile that has the following statements you are saying zero about you that separates you from the other million men on dating apps:

“I like hanging out with friends.”

“I’m easygoing.”

“I like a good night out.”

Everyone likes these things and they say nothing unique about you. 

What do you enjoy doing, like really enjoy? What makes you fucking excited? 

One of our old coaching clients after some probing during a session told me that he loves fusion food, but not that tacky fusion food you get at your local Indian but how different societies mix and create hybrid mixes of food. He later went on to add to his profile his love for Peruvian/Chinese food and curries from Trinidad and Tobago. 

The thing is, you have interesting and unique things about you, but you are scared to say them for fear of judgement. What you aren’t seeing is that those are the things that make you… well, interesting.  

Your profile lacks energy and emotion

Look at the statements from the above point and see the word like, it's so bland and boring. You like smooth pavements and you like the feel of your bedsheets. 

Go check out the emotional wheel and use more emotive words and phrases in your profile.

Your first message is rubbish

This is one I fucking hate to see men mess up. If your first message is just “Hey, how are you?”, you are letting yourself down, massively!

Your message should show that you have looked at her profile, looked at her pictures and crafted a thoughtful relevant or irrelevant message. You want to convey some personality.

Think, what did her pictures communicate to you, what did they remind you of and why has her profile made you want to match with her. 

And if you are blank and can’t think of something, think of something irrelevant or funny. It's better to be irrelevant or funny than to be boring.

Because you want something casual, you start conversations talking about sex

This is women’s pet hate, men that start a conversation sexually. When has a dick pic as a first message ever worked?

Even if you want something casual spend the time to get to know her and be honest about what you want. By being sexual straight away you are losing out on a lot of women that would be happy for something casual, but want to be treated as more than a sex doll.

Too afraid of hearing a no

The old fear of rejection stops you in so many ways. The obvious one is men that use dating apps because it means that don’t have to experience the person rejecting. 

But the fear of rejection can also stop you from making an effort to progress a conversation with a girl because you think she will reject you if you try to. Also, watch out for the times when you are swiping and assuming that the girl you are looking at is “out of your league” and swipe left on her. 

A reluctance or waiting for the “right” moment before asking her for her number or asking her out for a date is also a way that the fear of rejection is fucking you up.