15 "Do's" for Crafting an Engaging Dating Profile
15 "Do's" for Crafting an Engaging Dating Profile
I have condensed thousands of messages and feedback on five profiles into 15 key points (thanks to ChatGPT for assisting me).
You may not agree with all of these points—that's completely fine. Everyone is different and wants different things, but these are the common themes that repeatedly came up in the feedback.
Also, the examples provided are exactly that—examples. They're not perfect, but they will give you a flavour of what you need to aim for in your profile.
If you're reading this thinking, “I’m already doing all these things and still not getting matches,” shift your perspective to ask, “Where am I not fully implementing these?” It’s particularly important to carefully assess your photos, ensuring they tell a cohesive, compelling story and are high quality and visually appealing. (This is often where men struggle the most.)
Additionally, bear in mind that the feedback came from many different men and women, meaning what sometimes gets lost is the unique details or specific preferences that individual women—or particular types of women—find attractive.
Finally, remember that you can submit your profile to be featured on my Instagram for Dating Profile Fridays by filling in this form here.
The 15 "Do's":
1️⃣ Express Genuine Personality, Avoid Generic Statements
Explanation: A profile that authentically expresses your unique character makes you relatable and memorable. Too many men think they are being expressive but are just being surface-level and generic. Generic statements like "I like food and travel” and “I’m into self-growth” reveal very little. Instead, share personal anecdotes, quirky details, or specific examples to capture your individuality.
Profile Example: “The last time I cried happy tears was watching Frasier while eating vegan chocolate gelato in Florence—it's all in the water apparently, who knew?”
Feedback Example: “This profile feels personal, charming, and gives a vivid sense of your personality. Keep sharing these quirky specifics!”
2️⃣ Provide Clear Insights into Your Values and Passions
Explanation: Clearly communicating your values and passions helps attract people who genuinely resonate with your worldview, making for deeper connections. Show what matters to you explicitly in your profile to attract those who genuinely align with your core values.
Profile Example: “Politically left, socially progressive. Passionate about nature, good conversations, music, food, and wine.”
Feedback Example: “Your clear values stand out strongly, allowing potential matches to quickly understand if they align with you. Excellent!”
3️⃣ Be Clear About Your Relationship Intentions
Explanation: Stating clearly what you're looking for reduces misunderstandings and attracts people who share your relationship goals, enhancing meaningful interactions. If you want long-term, say it explicitly. Clarity saves time and emotional energy.
Profile Example: “Looking for a long-term relationship with emotional depth and mutual empathy.”
Feedback Example: “Your clarity on relationship expectations is commendable and will help filter the right matches.”
4️⃣ Use Voice Notes to Showcase Warmth and Personality
Explanation: Voice notes add warmth, authenticity, and intimacy to your profile, allowing your personality and emotional intelligence to shine through more vividly than written words. A man's voice is often really important to women, so make use of this feature. It's a great way to express a deeper level of who you are.
Profile Example: Voice prompt sharing a proud personal achievement or a heartfelt memory.
Feedback Example: “The voice prompt was inviting and genuine, clearly displaying your warmth and character. Consider adding another!”
5️⃣ Maintain Positivity, Avoid Negative Statements
Explanation: Positivity draws people in, while negative statements can create resistance and make you appear closed off. Frame your profile around optimistic expressions. Men, be mindful of jokes you and your mates might find funny but mature women could find crass or childish (unless that's the sort of woman you want to meet).
Profile Example (What to Avoid): “Taking a 30-day detox from blondes—please respect my decision.”
Feedback Example: “This comes across as dismissive and slightly negative. Aim for playful positivity rather than exclusion.”
6️⃣ Offer Specific Conversational Hooks
Explanation: Specific conversational hooks make it easy for others to start chatting, reducing initial awkwardness and sparking engaging dialogues. Think of intriguing topics or scenarios that naturally provoke curiosity and responses.
Profile Example: "My life goal is to design a beach house in the Caribbean by the ocean—somewhere to relax and work from, so we can escape British winters."
Feedback Example: “The imagery created here is very appealing—I immediately feel invited to discuss dreams, aspirations, and future goals together.”
7️⃣ Include Photos Showing Your Social Side
Explanation: Socially engaging photos demonstrate your capacity for connection and enjoyment of community, making you more approachable and attractive. Women often mentioned that they specifically want to see pictures with friends to ensure you're socially active and emotionally balanced. It reassures them that you have a fulfilling life outside of dating apps. I knocked his flies in the face of what so many dating coaches have been telling people over the last decade or so. Remember to blank out the faces of the other people.
Profile Example: A candid photo laughing warmly with friends at a social event or gathering.
Feedback Example: “Your social photos are great—they clearly show warmth and friendliness, making your profile more appealing.”
8️⃣ Highlight the Unique Value You Bring to Relationships
Explanation: Clearly communicate what you uniquely bring to relationships—whether listening skills, humour, emotional support, or stability. Highlighting this clearly in your profile allows potential matches to understand your value, creating clarity around the relationship experience you offer.
Profile Example: “My greatest strength is deeply listening—not just to words, but to the feelings beneath them.”
Feedback Example: “Clearly articulating your relational strengths makes your profile deeply attractive and insightful.”
9️⃣ Balance Playfulness with Depth
Explanation: Combining playful humour with emotional depth creates a profile that is both enjoyable and sincerely reassuring. Mastering this blend signals strong social awareness, emotional intelligence, and maturity, making your profile especially attractive to those seeking deeper connections.
Profile Example: A humorous caption like “Just another Wednesday evening” beneath a dramatic theatrical photo.
Feedback Example: “Your blend of playful humour with genuine insight creates a compelling, approachable profile.”
🔟 Create a Clear Vision of Partnership
Explanation: Sharing a vivid vision of partnership clearly conveys emotional maturity and readiness for meaningful relationships. Describe clearly what experiences you want to share and what feelings you want your partner to experience with you.
Profile Example: “Looking for someone to wander Japanese temples and villages with me, enjoying both adventures and quiet, reflective moments together.”
Feedback Example: “This clearly articulated vision shows emotional intelligence and readiness for a meaningful relationship—very appealing.”
1️⃣1️⃣ Demonstrate Emotional Availability and Readiness for Intimacy
Explanation: Expressing emotional availability clearly signals that you are genuinely ready to form meaningful connections. Demonstrating openness to vulnerability and intimacy creates emotional safety, appealing strongly to potential matches who value authentic relationships.
Profile Example: “A relationship is beautiful when we can openly talk about dreams, fears, embarrassing moments, or even quieter thoughts we usually keep to ourselves.”
Feedback Example: “Explicitly mentioning emotional openness and empathy is highly attractive and reassuring.”
1️⃣2️⃣ Share Unique, Personal Stories
Explanation: Personal stories differentiate your profile, making it memorable and relatable. They deepen the emotional connection, showing that you have genuinely lived and experienced meaningful moments.
Profile Example: “This year I want to stand at Njegos Mausoleum, breathe Laotian air, and hang all my artwork.”
Feedback Example: “Your personal stories are engaging and vividly reflect your unique personality and experiences.”
1️⃣3️⃣ Use Photos to Narrate Your Life's Story
Explanation: Photos visually narrate who you are beyond written descriptions, providing a richer, more authentic insight into your lifestyle, passions, and adventures. Carefully curated photos can powerfully express your identity and attract aligned partners.
Profile Example: A series of travel photos depicting meaningful experiences, cultural explorations, or beloved hobbies.
Feedback Example: “Your thoughtfully chosen photos clearly narrate your adventurous and culturally rich life—well done!”
1️⃣4️⃣ Highlight Thoughtfulness and Consideration in Relationships
Explanation: Clearly demonstrating thoughtful behaviours or considerate actions on your profile signals emotional maturity, kindness, and genuine relational intelligence. These qualities are immensely attractive, particularly for individuals seeking deeper, long-term relationships built on mutual respect, care, and emotional connection. Women specifically mentioned appreciation for profiles showing consideration as it reassures them about the kind of loving, attentive, and supportive partner you will be.
Profile Example: “I’ll know I’ve found the one when... we take the time to understand each other and each other’s needs for space, reassurance, or a surprise cup of tea on a tough day.”
Feedback Example: “This statement is deeply attractive because it reflects thoughtfulness and real consideration. I feel he would genuinely understand and care for me in everyday life, not just special moments."
1️⃣5️⃣ Balance Humour with Authenticity in Visuals
Explanation: A humorous photo balanced with authentic expressions of personality ensures your profile is approachable and joyful yet grounded. As you may have noticed, humour has been mentioned frequently—it's crucial to convey your style of humour clearly. It’s an effective way to attract like-minded individuals and create immediate connections. Being playful visually, while still expressing authenticity and warmth, helps potential matches quickly gauge your true personality, making you more appealing and relatable.
Profile Example: A quirky photo wearing a funny hat or making a silly expression, paired with another image showing you warmly engaging in a genuine moment.
Feedback Example: “Your playful visuals combined with authentic warmth make your profile both memorable and deeply appealing.”
You are not going to be able to do all of these perfectly in one profile. It will just be hard to fit all that detail in, so you are going to have to choose whats important to you. But making use of things that video and voicenotes will give you more scope to show who you are and what you are about.